Its Better to Have Never Loved at All than to have Loved and Lost | 3dgirl's Blog

If I could go back in time and never meet him, I would. If I could change everything about us, I would.
My biggest regret is meeting him. I have done a lot of bad things but if I could change one, it would be falling in love with him. 
I have never hurt so much. No amount of abuse I have gone through growing up from my parents, no amount of unhappiness that comes with suffering from a mental disorder (eating disorder), no amount of loneliness i have felt in my life, the fact I can never make a friend for long or ever be in a relationship, hurts as much as loving him does. 
I am madly in love with a man who is madly in love with me, but he never visits. 
I have met my soulmate, who lives too far away and will never meet me. 

I am doomed to settle into a painful long distance relationship where I crave to facetime with him and he hardly does that anymore... or I am doomed to settle with some other man who will never be as good as the one I have.

Tonight I lose my man to the club, the ladies of a sexy town, the intoxication of whiskey... Tonight I sleep, drowned it 24 hours of tears and pain weakened body, next to my psychology textbook (which only reminds me more of how crazy I am). 
Tonight, I hope I sleep and never wake up. Because I have felt so much pain in my life, everyday is a battle. I have scars and bruises from beatings... I can take this all, but I can't take the pain from the man I love. 

I simply cannot go on. 

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Previous Posts
Its Better to Have Never Loved at All than to have Loved and Lost, posted January 26th, 2013
Too Much Pressure, posted December 21st, 2012
The Problem with Timing, posted December 19th, 2012, 2 comments

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